THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER !!!!!!! HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

Via cuz Oliver

Subject: THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER !!!!!!! HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

31. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.

30. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.

29. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won’t fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.

26. We don’t keep firearms in this house.

25. You can’t feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.

23. Wrastlin’ is fake.

22. We’re vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don’t need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me only the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I’ve got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.

8. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate !

6. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.

4. I really don’t have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys…

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

1. Nope, no more beer for me. I’m driving a whole bus load of us
down to re-elect Obama

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