(AND IN THE PROCESS, GRANDCHILDREN!)
To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own, grandchildren,
nieces, nephews, or students…
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was ‘DON’T! ‘
‘Don’t what ?’ Adam replied.
‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’ God said.
‘Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! ‘
‘ No Way ! ‘
‘Yes way! ‘
‘Do NOT eat the fruit! ‘ said God.
‘Why? ‘
‘Because I am your Father and I said so ! ‘ God replied, wondering
why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children
having an apple break and He was ticked !
‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit? ‘ God asked.
‘Uh huh,’ Adam replied.
‘Then why did you? ‘ said the Father.
‘I don’t know,’ said Eve.
‘She started it! ‘ Adam said.
‘Did not ! ‘
‘Did too! ‘
‘DID NOT! ‘
Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom
and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think
it would be a piece of cake for you ?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat
word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties
is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids..
They will choose your nursing home one day!
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
‘TAKE TWO ASPIRIN’ AND ‘KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN’!!!!!
Quick, send this on to ten people within the next five minutes.
Nothing will happen if you don’t, but if you do,
Ten people will be laughing!!!
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This is another great story about Children. I grew up with a father and grandfather who were ministers. Wellll, that got pretttty OLD.
To rebel ( of course,), I went to one of those Unity type churches and ended up teaching classes.
My little Sunday School Group were 10 yrs old. Children amaze me because they don’t KNOW yet they CAN’T do something.
A little girl was in the class and had a cold. I explained to the children that we were so glad she came (even if one of the parents complained of the child with the cold being in a class with others).
CHILDREN DO BELIEVE. I explained that Amy had a cold and didn’t feel well. I asked them to bow their little heads and focus their hearts and minds on her to she will feel wonderful and get well very soon. By the end of the class, Amy was not sneezing. Her eyes stopped watering. What was weird is that when her parents walked in, she began to sneeze and her eyes began itching again.
I can’t explain it. I was asked not to come back though.
‘upaces88 started it! ‘
‘Did not ! ‘
‘Did too! ‘
‘DID NOT! ‘
Did too! Really enjoyed this, thanks my friend. Best today.
Children are amazing. I learned how my daughter thought about death.
I lived in North Dallas at the time. I looked all over the apartment and couldn’t find my 3-yr-old. I looked out the window and saw her sitting on a curb with her arm draped over the shoulder of another little girl. I ran down stairs and walked quietly towards them.
I saw a dead squashed cat in the street. The little girl was crying. It was her cat. I was very quiet and didn’t want to interrupt the conversation. This came from the heart and soul of a 3 year old child and how she understood death as she explained it to her grieving friend. It is simplistic truth
“See your cat? Your cat is all squashed. Her little eye has fallen out. You don’t want her to wake up like that. She is so ugly. So? She is going to go talk to God. He is going to give her an entirely new body and new eyes and everything! Once she has her new body she’ll be all new again. She won’t feel hurt at all!
The Little Girl stopped crying and they hugged each other and just sat there. I didn’t want to interrupt the tender moment. I waited until they got up to walk the little girl home and took my child back into the house.
You’ll love this Bob. I didn’t want my child growing up with the usual dogma about Christianity. I made sure I taught her myself. I didn’t allow her to go to the “hell, fire, damnation churches with her friends. I didn’t want her to grow up being good out of fear…but wanted her to “be good” because it became a part of he with what I taught her.
Well, I guess she was about 11 at the time, and the neighbors asked her to go to church. I figured I had taught her right, so I gave her my permission to go. She came home…ran in the door and started sobbing and she had fear written all over her face! “MOTHER! I don’t want to take a bath in blood! PLEASE PLEASE DON’T LET THEM MAKE ME DO THAT!”
i HAD NO CLUE..what in the world she was talking about. I went next door to Linda and George’s house and told her what was going on with Elizabeth Ann.
Linda had to stop for a moment and think what in the world had she heard that would scare her so badly. Finally, she remembered. To go to heaven you have to be “bathed in the blood of the Lamb.”
She took it literally, just as children do. Needless-to-say, I never allowed her to go to church with her friends again.
I Just LOVE all of these. I can’t even pick out a favorite because they are all so adorable.
Excellent post Bob. My favorite is # 4,Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
I noooo. lol….I caught my daughter hiding behind the door in the house. She was whispering: “shit, shit, shit.”
I said, “Elizabeth Ann! Why are you hiding behind the door saying that?”
“Mommy, I heard you say it and I was testing it out.”
Huh?!!!
They hear everything!!!
From the SAME Church visit, my daughter woke me up during my late afternoon nap. This time she was saying, “Mom, is Jesus really a ghoul?”
I asked, “Honey, what makes you think Jesus was a ghoul?”
She went on to explain. “Well, they said he was in the grave for 3 days after he died. Then he rose. So? Is Jesus a ghoul?”
Best post of the day, thank you Bob made my day :D
Wasn’t me it was my friend and valued commentator upaces88
Well my friend ty and your Friend and mine nowupaces88 :)
Reblogged this on YOU DECIDE and commented:
Tip of the hat to Boudica for this post :)
I bow down to upaces88. She made my day.
Here, here……
She send me a hug, Bob and wdednh.