The speeding ticket?

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?  Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.  Woman: Oh, I see.  Officer: Can I see your license please?  Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.  Officer: Don’t have one?  Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.  Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.  Woman: I can’t do that.  Officer: Why not?  Woman: I stole this car.  Officer: Stole it?  Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.  Officer: You what?  Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.  The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!  The woman steps out of her vehicle.  Woman: Is there a problem sir?  Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.  Woman: Murdered the owner?  Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer2: Is this your car, ma’am?  Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.  Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.  The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.  Officer2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.  Woman: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!

Wonder if she got a speeding ticket, LOL!

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8 Responses to The speeding ticket?

  1. upaces88 says:

    I told you this already, but maybe someone else hasn’t heard the story.
    I was in the nightclub business; and at the time driving my favorite Old car…A 1984 Lincoln Continental with the suicide doors (yes! tooo cool!…that’s why I bought the damn thing…”The Doors! lol).
    Anyway, one night a cop stopped me and asked me: “Mam, why are you driving in the middle of the road?”
    I answered the “real” reason.
    “Sir, I have had way too much to drink. When that happens, I use my “hood ornament to keep me lined up with the middle strip in the road. Sir! This damn car has NO Hood ornament!!

    So? I was kinda hanging my head out the window to see the faded lines dividing the street so I wouldn’t wander over on the other side.. So! There you have it. Ya gonna give me a ticket?

    “No, mam, I’m following you home to make sure you get there alright.

  2. upaces88 says:

    Of all the important articles I have made to “go viral”…I sent this one too! LOL
    Welllll….LOL

  3. upaces88 says:

    OMG Funny!!!!!

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